I accepted the fact that I will always be different than everyone else. I used to be mocked for wearing black, or liking some games, anime and music. When I was a kid, I tried to fit in and it was absolutely miserable. When I stopped trying, I noticed others did this as well.
I think we have a fear of being alone, so that's why we try to conform in society. Following the same treads, never speaking our minds, blending in with the crowd. We're too afraid of speaking out because we don't want to be seen as "weird" or "different."
I know what it's like to lie about who you are, and it fucking sucks. I had a pretty shit upbringing that I don't even wanna share all of it, but I can write briefly about this part.
Some of my family members are religious, and I'm not. I just don't believe in God. I believe in souls and reincarnation, and my spirituality is very important to me. However, some, not all, are very controlling and judgmental, and that makes living with them an absolute nightmare. If you experienced this, I'm sorry.
Whenever I tried to get out of going to church, my family member would flip out, screaming and calling me a heathen, and threatening to cancel holidays until I finally agreed to go. This was a while ago when I didn't have a strong enough backbone. Hell, I still deal with this, but on a smaller basis.
I did not belong in that church. I would literally cry because it was horrible, and how frustrated I was for being so weak. And if you think about it this way, it's disrespectful to the church to have someone sit there who didn't believe in their teachings. I was doing a disservice to it.
After a long, painful year, I finally spoke up and said that I didn't want to go anymore. And believe or not, the family member let me. Of course, they bring it up ALL THE TIME, but at least I'm not going anymore.
And I feel so, so much better. To finally have the freedom to be yourself is a precious gift that should never be taken for granted.
I WILL stay true to myself, and no one will ever control me again.
So how can you do this? The first step is to understand who you are and what you want in life. What makes you happy? Pursue it. Fuck everybody else. They ain't living your life - you are. They don't get a say in it. I don't care what they say, they will NEVER know what you truly need, so don't let them tell you.
The second step is developing a backbone. Easier said than done, I know. We only get scared of standing up to others because we don't have the confidence to stay true to ourselves. But if you know who you are, and what you need to do in life, then that fear disappears. You have to stand up for yourself since no one else will.
It's your life - YOU have to run it.
If you have controlling family members, then I recommend being careful, because some parents can be absolute psychos who are willing to kick out their children for being gay, or having different beliefs. This hasn't happened to me, but I've heard horror stories.
To avoid this, develop independence. When you're living on your own, no one call tell you what to do. How could they? It's your house, they don't get a say in it. This might mean to waiting to move out, so I recommend getting a job to start saving up money to get the fuck out of there ASAP.
If anyone can help you, reach out to them. It's better than being alone and miserable.
I hate how that's the case. It's so terrible how controlling and evil people can be, but we can't have others dictate our lives anymore. I can't stress enough how important it is to stay true to yourself and take control over your own life. It's easier when you get older because you gain more experience and knowledge on how things work and won't need others anymore.
Learn how to take care of yourself, because you're the only one who will ever care about your life the most. I learned this shit the hard way, believe me.
Thank you for reading, and good luck.
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